And I Thought I Loved You Then

The clock read 2:15 a.m. when our little boy began to whimper. I knew a feeding would come right about this time. He grunted and moaned a little more before I took him in my arms  to nurse and fill his little tummy with warm milk.

His eyes fluttered open, meeting mine in the dim light of my phones flashlight. Piercing and tiny – they are powerful. This would not be a quick feed and back to sleep. He was yearning for more.

More of mommy. More eye contact. More closeness.

So we headed into the kitchen, I turned on an electric candle, and began playing the “Luke Bryan” Pandora station on my phone and ever so softly the music began to play. His ears adjusting from silence to song and his eyes showing contentment as they reached mine.

And then, right there in the candle lit kitchen on the cold hardwood floor, we danced. Swaying back and forth, side to side, body to body – we moved as one again. Something I hadn’t experienced since he was in my womb. Yes, the feeling of oneness comes with breast feeding, but this dance, right here, right now felt different. Him and I were one again

Thank you, Father. Thank you for all of this love.

Brad Paisley’s song, “Then”  took over the airways and filled our ears. A song that is so fitting for this chapter of mine and Andrew’s life now, but also so fitting for my little boy and I.

When I first heard your heartbeat. I thought I loved you then

When I first felt you move. I thought I loved you then

When I first held you in my arms.  I thought I loved you then

And now, barefoot on the hardwood floor, slow dancing in the early morning, “I don’t know how I’m ever gonna love you more, but I’ve said that before.”

Oh Motherhood, you have my full attention.




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1 comment

  1. Wow reading your words reminded me how I felt with my first born. Thank you for the memory sweetheart.. continue to enjoy the wonder that is Motherhood. God bless you all