My Child, I Need You.

I keep coming back to the idea of being a child – the need for a direction through this life, a book of rules, guidelines and defined purpose. I’m certain it’s because I now have a child of my own and these are the things I will try to provide or help define for Carter. This new fact has instantly and beautifully helped me understand God’s love for His children, His child, – Me.

And I don’t think I would understand the width and depth of HIs love like this if it weren’t for Motherhood. And in some treasure hunt kind of way I think that’s what God intended. It’s like unlocking a mystery, or discovering a new level of His love for us in this life. Although, I don’t think Motherhood is the only way to understand Him in this new way. I think there are many things that happen in people’s lives that draw them to their knees and transform their hearts – Motherhood is what did it for me.

In some incredible way, Carter loves me like Jesus. I know he can’t talk, he barely makes a cooing sound and he has hardly broke a smile. But despite all those inabilities, he loves me and I know it. I have such a certainty about his love for me that if has only increased my certainty in God’s love for us – His children.

My goodness, that thought is intense.

It’s seems like this whole “raising a child” thing is somewhat backwards. Carter has taught me how to love better. And you know my struggle with loving my neighbor – he has softened my heart towards them – say what? In 5 short weeks my heart has been transformed. I see life differently because of him, because of His child.

Could if be that I need Carter more than he needs me? Could my idea of a Savior come in the form of a baby? Absolutely. He is not the Savior but he points me to THE Savior, day after day.

Wow. Just wow.

Yes, he is my child but we are His children, first. And the thought that God trusts me with one of His children overwhelms my heart and draws me to tears and I find myself again, weeping at the feet of Jesus and thanking Him for trusting a sinner like me, for equipping me and helping me in and for Motherhood.

And I have a vision of being curled up on the lap of my Father, being soothed, rocked and reassured that I am protected, safe and satisfied in His arms, just as I am doing now with Carter.

Returning to my Father.

It is in this raw and intimate moment were I praise Him, wholly, fully and relentlessly. This is Motherhood – a new level of Love.

Xo

Raquel

 

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4 comments

  1. Rachel, One of the things I learned from motherhood was that God was a truly powerful and logical God. As a child’s muscles develop – one muscle movement leads to another and then that leads to another movement. A child goes from large motor control to fine motor control. I am reminded that God’s creation was methodically made by an all knowing God. Also, like a child He wants us to get the major things first like understanding His love for us, That Jesus is the One Way to God and then He continues to hone us to do the small more specific traits or gifts that we have like seeing the needs in others, or helping us to pray first. Hope this makes sense.

    1. Hi Lori, your comment made perfect sense! I love your take on how God works in our lives. We are all a work in progress and for that, I am so thankful for a patient Father who guides, forgives and loves us through it all!

  2. How eloquently put Raquel! Let me start by saying thank you for being so open and honest, not only on your blog but on social media as well. Your journey on your relationship with God and now becoming a new mom has truly inspired me. I am too a new mommy and my sweet little girl is now 7 months and is growing quickly. I can relate to your learning God’s love through her. Since becoming pregnant with her I found myself looking for a deeper connection with God and seeking his love. Once I gave birth to her I felt a love like I have never felt before. And I found it to be ironic that they same love would draw me to the feet of Jesus. I have never wanted a more close relationship with God since having my daughter Aspen and I am sure that is because he has shown me unconditional love through her. I feel like I have a much better understanding of his love.

    A few months back you posted something on journaling for 30 days. I was immediately inspired to try it out. It took me a few months to put into action but I started back in January and despite missing a few days here and there, I finally got to day 30. I won’t go into detail about my own personal journey with God but lets just say that in the last 2 months I have forever been changed and my relationship with God has been taken to a new level. I’m pretty certain that journaling is now part of my everyday devotional time. Thank you for sharing your life with us. I am sure I am not the only soul you have reached through social media and I just wanted to say thank you!

    On another note, I met you at the Miss California pageant the year you won. We only had a couple of brief conversations during rehearsals but you made an impression on me then and continue to do so. Thank you for being such a postive light on social media.

    Blessings to you and your family!

    1. Hi Miriam! Wow, your comment gave me chills and has my eyes watering. God is SO good. It’s absolutely incredible how God can use a little newborn to wreck our hearts in the most beautiful way. Totally transform us and like yo said, bring us to the feet of Jesus. It’s truly incredible the power of His love.

      I am so encouraged that you did the 30 Days of Journaling challenge! And that journaling is now a part of your every day time with God. How beautiful that time is! And that level of intimacy that you now have with Our Father is so special. He loves to hear from you <3 I have a feeling your tests have become your testimony and that God will use you for His glory. He's not done with you yet!

      Hehe I totally remember meeting you and I am so glad to connect with you on social media and to do life through the web. I can never underestimate the power of social media and the through connection that can be had with other mamas on the web.

      All my love to you and thank you for blessing me so much with this comment. My cup runneth over. xoxox