I’m an emotional wreck these days. I was never the “cry over spilled milk” kind of gal before Carter arrived, but now I cry over spilled breast milk like it’s my job. This is my life lately: emotional, excited, sad, sentimental, overwhelmed, concerned, sympathetic, happy – all at the same time. Just one hot mess.
And it has me thinking of Jesus’ mom, Mary, and her mothering techniques… (kinda random I know).
But I wonder if she ever got overwhelmed taking care of baby Jesus. When he cried uncontrollably, did she cry too? How did she console the little savior?
I wonder if she ever got frustrated or needed to take a breather and run off to the market to regroup – like how I run to Target to decompress.
I wonder if she ever needed to talk to a friend about the struggle of raising a newborn, or write her deepest thoughts and desires in a journal that maybe got lost in history…
I wonder if she ever felt like she wasn’t capable of caring for God’s son and how did she explain this to Him.
Or did she count it all as joy? Praising God through the long nights of nursing and nurturing. And thanking God for her sweet baby Jesus after a diaper explosion and being peed on.
I wonder if she saw God in his tiny little eyes and if her heart was changed for the better.
I wonder if she welcomed motherhood with open arms or did she resent God for the sleepless nights and long days.
I wonder if she knew her baby boy would be someone I would love nearly as much as her…
Or that I would be thanking God for Jesus’ life because He saved mine… and thanking Mary for bearing him.
I wonder if Mary wasn’t obedient to the call on her life – how that would change the course of history. Did she have thoughts of being incapable or unqualified to be a mother, let alone Jesus’ mother? If she did, I bet they came and quickly went when she gave her “yes” to God.
“Yes, I will carry Your son. Yes I will name him Jesus. Yes Lord, I will love him.”
And I think about the ultimate sacrifice that cleanses me of my sin and about a mother witnessing the death of her son for me – someone she would never meet in her lifetime . And I wonder if she was ok with that knowing, with that reality..
All this wondering as left me with a firm belief that God chose Carter for me just as He chose Jesus for Mary. And whatever the call is on Carter’s life I pray that I have the same “Yes Father” attitude that Mary had.
“Yes, I will carry Your son. Yes I will name him Carter. Yes Lord, I will love him.”
He has equipped me and every mother – past, present and future – with the abilities to care and nurture their child. And when I rest in the truth that he knows the plans for us, plans for good and not disaster to give us future and hope, I am able to fall asleep at night knowing tomorrow the sun will rise and I’ll get another chance at being the mama He created me to be.